So here's the new plan

De. Railed. With a capital F.

I was doing really well for a while there. I got hit hard in the gut, figuratively, the day I turned 30. Any chance of recovery was gone by January 4th. I can say, honestly, that aside from one major exception, this has been The Worst year of my life. That major exception is that I just got home from Seattle, Washington, effectively crossing an item off of my Bucket List. I've wanted to go to Seattle since I was a teenager and it was more than I had ever hoped it would be. I didn't want to leave. It broke my heart to get on that plane to head home.

Aside from that one major ray of sunlight, it's been a crappy year. I just can't seem to get back on my feet after being knocked down. I'm tired of my happiness and peace relying on someone else. I'm tired of having someone else dictate for me what goes into my mouth, directly or indirectly. This has got to stop.

I'm back up to roughly 160. I'm hesitant to start tracking again now as Aunt Flo is a few weeks out and I'm due to start packing on water weight in the next week. I don't want to get discouraged.

Still, I need to have goals. Reasonable ones. Goals with room for error or allowances for me to take a break from myself to deal with the issues here at home. Not dealing with them with food, though. With time and patience. So my goals are this:

One pound a week for the next fifteen weeks, gone. That would put me well below the overweight BMI, and put me at a healthy goal weight of 145 by June 22nd, the first day of Summer. I would feel comfortable in my bikini at that weight. In the event that I lose more, that's good too. Two pounds a week would put me at 130 by Summer, but it's not necessary to get that low. I just want to get better food in my body because I'm definitely feeling the effects of chemical after chemical, here. I feel gross. Inside and outside.

My second goal is to train for a 5k. It's something I've always wanted to do but I am just not a runner. I can go for half an hour/3 miles easily on an elliptical but once my feet hit pavement, I feel like the bones in my legs are shattering. I'm going to give the Couch to 5K program a shot again, but not until it warms up a bit more and I can plan out my run a little better without hurdling piles of snow.

My last goal is to start weight training. I've held off because I don't want the effect of being bulky, as I really feel this will cause me to backslide, but I need to get my metabolism kicked into gear. I'm not getting any younger and I'm only getting fatter.

This is all great in theory but I will be swimming upstream for all of this. My real support system is nil and the issues I have going on at home are weights around my shoulders. I'm pulling a whole lot more than 160 pounds.